Why A Blog?

Ebonee

My entire life, I wanted a platform so that I could be me! I’ve always felt that sites such as Facebook aren’t the best places to do so. There always seems to be a rebuttal when someone posts an opinion, not to mention many of the posts there are negative to begin with. Why not YouTube you wonder? Just let me be real. I refuse to get cute EVERYDAY just to sit in front of a camera. Works for some, but I honestly don’t have that much dedication. My life has come with many obstacles that have made me the woman I am today. Just because I don’t air my issues, doesn’t mean I don’t have any. I bleed like you. My life timeline has changed drastically over the last decade::

  • High school
  • College
  • Working
  • Texas
  • Marriage

Hmmm.. Where do I start?

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Poisons of a woman’s mouth

Poison…

Release that poison…

“YOU’RE A STUPID ASS!”

“YOU’RE A DUMB MOTHERFUC*ER!”

“YOU AIN’T SHIT, AIN’T NEVER GONNA BE SHIT!”

The venom shoots like jets from the mouth..

That vile compilation of words that can never be retracted.

It seems he just doesn’t understand

“LISTEN TO ME NIGGA, YOU’LL NEVER BE RESPECTED”

The sharpening and shrieking sounds of your voice, makes him cringe with every hiss.

“LEAVE, GET OUT. I’M SICK OF YOUR SHIT”

Oh yeah, just kill that ego,

So he can leave, and you can start to wonder where he-go..

Nag, baby girl nag…

So he can go brag to the next, and ask her to relieve that stress..

I digress

“THESE NIGGAS AIN’T SHIT”

We swear we know this to be true…

But baby baby girl who’s more “AIN’T SHIT” than you?

This man probably wasn’t a man when he got with you.

You just swear you saw a light within him that needed to be pushed through.

That venom that you’re spitting ain’t it.. there must be another way.

Just look him in his face, “OPEN THAT MOUTH WIDE”

NOW:: Start to pray

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;
    keep watch over the door of my lips.”

He’s your man, not your son.

Do you understand how much damage you’ve done?

I plead to you my queen…

Let that poison be done

-Ebonee Molloy

 

 

This is a poem that I wrote, and again everything is my truth. The truth hurts and reading this over and over makes me see things clearer. As a woman, I don’t understand what daily struggles my man has. It’s almost as if I dont care to know. I just want things done my way, on my time, whenever I think it’s best. I’m learning to grow one day at a time. It literally takes some soul searching to really understand.

LADIES::When’s the last time you’ve really appreciated your man? I mean literally went a full day without nagging? Of course we think it’s hard to do because they didn’t do something we’ve asked them to.  Think about it.

“Who can really make your man feel better than you?” No one, just you….

ˈself\-ri-ˈflek-shən (Self Reflection)

 

 

self-reflection.jpg

 

Welp… Here’s a topic I’ve tried my entire life to avoid. You know the one where I have to reflect on me, and think about everything negative about MYSELF. It’s so easy to point out what’s wrong with everyone else. I mean who really wants to criticize themselves ? NO ONE !

So as I stand here typing this (yes standing, seeing as though I am currently at work with these thoughts), I must self-reflect. I’m no life guru, I’m only putting MY life into perspective…So please read with a cautious eye..

Who Am I?

Naturally, we start off with our life titles.. Example: I am a wife, Husband, mother, student, businessman, career woman.. But is that really all we are? Let me actually define who I am.

::I am a human that has flaws::

MANY flaws to be exact. I have a {Bad Temper} that yes I should seek help for, but I don’t because that will mean I “Really” have a problem. It’s not a life or death temper, but it is something that can hinder any friendship/relationship.

On top of having a bad temper, I’m also insecure. Yep! It’s true. As much as I would LOVE to blame my insecurities on the Ex that cheated, or the girl that stole “MY” man, or even the new standard of beautiful….. I can’t. My insecurities come from “ME”. My insecurities come from the fact that I have longed for things that just aren’t MEANT to be mine.. I’m sure you wanna know what I mean::

  • Long Hair- Funny right since I just cut my hair off.. I guess I was at that point that I knew it would never be the thick and long hair I’d always wanted, so I’d just chop it off and it’d make everything all better… WRONG! Here I am still complaining to Brandon about how short my hair is.  To the point that I’ve worn braids all summer.
  • Big Boobs- Why? No real answer honestly… I figured that’d make anybody want me more. Or any woman envy me more.
  • A bad ass car- I have wanted a range rover for forever..  If you asked me why, I’d say “Because I like it”. I guess I’ve never really thought about that. I mean would I like the expensive ass maintenance? What does it do for me, that my little Chevy Cruze doesn’t? Ooh I know.. Get me more attention. UNNEEDED attention.

I could literally go on all day about this…But the biggest flaw::

Indecisiveness

One minute I want this…Next minute I want That.. That’s not the issue though. The issue is somehow I believe “That” is better than “This”. My best-friends mom was literally the eye opener for me because I just C A N ‘ T make a damn decision.

  1. I thought moving to Texas would be better than living up north. Although it is, (my opinion) I have found reasons as to why Indiana is better than Texas.
  2. I wanted to be married as much as my husband. So why have I contemplated being single instead of being married.
  3. I’ve been going to school since I started college for Hospitality and Tourism Management, so why in the middle of my college career did I decide I wanted to go to school for marketing, instead of Hospitality and Tourism Management?
  4. Why have I yearned the attention of people that don’t give AF about me?

No matter how many ways I try to write these things, they all seem to come back to my insecurities. I’ll admit:: I’M SCARED! Im scared of everything unknown. I’m scared of making a mistake. I’m scared of making a decision. I’m scared to “FAIL”.

I know who I am now:: I am scared shitless of life, indecisive AF and afraid of failure.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

What defines you? What are you afraid of? |Comment your answers| Yes you can be anonymous. Someone out there is just like you.