Babyyyy boy! What are we doing?!

Follow my Instagram:: Malee_kuh

There’s nothing worse than being in the midst of a situation and you’re like “wtf are we doing?” Now most women want to know the answer to this question but men have made it undeniably hard to ask the question. It’s damn near cringy to think about 😂. I remember one time asking a dude what we’re doing and feeling regret immediately after. I kept looking at my phone thinking damn, all this technology and Apple hasn’t made a damn “unsend” button huh? Like girl y’all grown AF, if shorty don’t respond 🗣Sis, Block Him! 💀 But forreal.. just let that situation go.

But listen…. after being married and recently entertaining niggas in this awkward ass time of dating in 2019, I’ve since released that fear and I’ve learned to get straight to the point. Either you’re going to tell me what’s up or we’re just going to move forward amicably.

Most times, women don’t want to hear “We’re together”. More than likely we’ve already assessed the situation and know if shit is serious or not. I want the real… like look right now I’m not looking for a relationship. I enjoy you, your company, the time we spend etc… Then it’s like BET! Now you’re giving me something to work with. The conversation really helps the woman know how to move in the future. Oh we’re not exclusive right? Soo me going out with Darnell won’t have me feeling like I’m doing some slick shit.

Men want to make it out to be “Damn she trying to box me into some shit.”

Nah nah sir… we just have to make sure we’re both moving the same way. Cause I’ll be damned if I’m loyal to you and you out here just spreading your royal oats everywhere 💅🏾.But as soon as he finds out you’re entertaining someone else, you’re the worst person ever! How does that work sir?

Personally, I ask dudes this question all the time and I either get a real response, generic ass response, or no response at all lol 😂 Generic and no response at all is like ok, so we being childish?! I wasted 5 years of my life with a nigga I don’t even speak to anymore, I have 0 time to be wasting on people that won’t even express what they want. I am a woman of clarity and communication because it’s impossible to get anything misconstrued when you can be open and honest about the shit that’s going on.

Ladies… just ask the gahdaaaamn question!!! lol Either he’s gonna answer that shit or he’s not.. but either way, you’ll know how to move after. Shit really not supposed to be difficult 💛

I’m all about protecting peace X energy.. If it doesn’t bring me peace or drains my energy…I can’t 🤷🏽‍♀️

Dear Diary:: Oh Deshaun..

Have you ever met someone and the chemistry was like… Alchemy- (a seemingly magical process of transformation, creation, or combination.) There is absolutely no way I would have ever thought that you can vibe with someone on such a level. I meaaan the feeling is so fragile that you’re afraid to f*ck it up.


Oh..Deshaun… We can just listen to music and vibe and it’s one of the most serene feelings ever. We can be lame and play connect four or I can tap that ass in speed and I’m like damn… this is dope. I haven’t laughed so much in so long and it’s such a great feeling to have.

I listen to everything you say, how you say it, and the faces you make when you say it lol. I know you like to feel appreciated..I know you have a big heart and I know you want to be the best dad you can be. I know you want to be seen for what you can do and continue to excel in your career. You’ve made it very clear that a relationship is furthest from your mind, and I can respect that. But as your friend…I can truly say that I see you and if no one else says it..I am proud of you.


The experience you’ve recently given me is one that can’t be explained. It’s one that only you and I understand. I have lost knowing what it should be feel like for a man to make you feel like a queen. I lost knowing the standard I should have for myself as a woman. I lost the values my father instilled in me that I shouldn’t have to take care of a man. I lost the idea of what it looked like to watch a man lead in a way that makes you want to submit. I spent a weekend with you and a sense of what I need and what my standards for men should be going forward came rushing back..


I am not most beautiful girl in the world, I don’t have the most money in the world, but it doesn’t feel like that when I am around you. Your communication may be trash lmao, but your friendship is one I will never question. I’m happy to know you, happy you were brought into my life and hope that this friendship is long lasting. Thank You and I appreciate you.

Dear Diary: I met you at the wrong time…..

Someone asked me if it’s possible to meet someone at the wrong time. Quickly I answered yes. I met a man when I was 21, who gave me all of the knowledge and tools to be great and successful. But what can you really tell a 21 year old? I took everything he told me as him trying to control me and now at 27, i’m like damn I should have listened. I haven’t had another man in my corner like that since him lol.. Maybe it’s karma, who knows. Every relationship / situationship after him has been absolute trash.


When I say he kept my gas on full, kept my stomach full, and my brain filled with knowledge. It was all something I wasn’t used to. Truly something I wasn’t ready for or able to appreciate. When I dropped out of college, he went OFF lol. I’m like chill bro, you’re acting like my dad. He left me this real long voicemail telling me how I was making a huge mistake by dropping out and I remember listening to it, like who does he think he is?


Today, I sit back and I reflect on it, as it’s one of my most painful memories. The man is doing great for himself and has made it through obstacles that many people would have folded from. I remember seeing him on the Steve Harvey show and I just started breaking down. I sat there for a second trying to understand why I was breaking down. I knew it wasn’t because he was on T.V.


I knew I was crying because he was brought into my life for me to know what it was like to be treated like a queen. He was brought into my life to set a standard. A standard that I have ignored since I was 21. I have allowed men to use me, belittle me, and take everything I have. I don’t even make men date me, when this man would take me on a date damn near every other weekend lol. Like where did my morals go?!

Jay,

I don’t know that you’ll ever read this…But I want to thank you for always being a rock in my life, even though you’re no longer in my life. You’ve given me a foundation and set a standard for myself that I must learn to follow. I know that the path I’ve taken with the men I’ve dated has disappointed you. Me being so young, there was no way I understood the woman you saw in me. From day one, you had a vision and you stuck to it, I wish I could say the same. Continue to be the great man I know you are. Keep your foot on these niggas necks and make that money boo.

Sincerely,

Ebonee’

growth


“the process of developing or maturing physically, mentally, or spiritually. ”
“the process of increasing in amount, value, or importance.”

Most people grow once there has been a life changing experience, or a setback that occurs to make you realize that something needs to change. It’s unfortunate that these things have to happen in order for us to make the necessary changes, but life tends to work that way.

Everyone’s growth happens at different times and for many different reasons. I’ve had multiple periods in my life where I’ve seen growth and I’m like… “the old me would have…”

I have a really bad habit of saying what I feel and looking back later, like damn girl did you have to go so hard lol? I am still working on this. I have family members and friends that’ll say, “Ebonee, did you really have to say that?” I’m like hell yeah I did, but in actuality I didn’t lol This is where G R O W T H comes in and I should apologize and be like I’m working on it.

I used to fight my exes when they insulted my intelligence. I mean I could have the evidence right there and they would try to convince me that I was tripping. Like broooo you sitting here with the same outfit on of the dude in this picture but its not you? lol Nah sir.. you’re about to get these hands.. A TERRIBLE mentality to have and I can honestly say I’ve G R O W N. Now it’s just easier for me to say what I have to say and keep it moving. No dude is ever worth all of that.

Growth is saying to yourself “Girl put that shit back, you don’t need to spend money.” Thisssss one.. I’m still working on haha! But that’s why it’s growth. Spending money is my worst habit..

Ultimately what I am trying to say is..everyone has room to grow. No one is prefect and before pointing out someone else’s flaws, step back and check yourself. What can you do to make yourself a better you? What areas do you still need to grow in? Do you need to grow in your career, relationship, parenting, communication, HAPPINESS, Spirituality? I love everyone and always want to see the best in everyone..

Lets Grow Together 🙂