Internal Conflict

I want to believe my mother and father will live forever, but of course that would be living in a dream. The love they’ve provided me, requires me to raise my guard and protect the better parts of me. How can I let them leave knowing I’m being devalued? Wait, I mean.. devaluing myself, by entertaining somebody that can care less if I’m stressed but quick to ask me why I’m always so pressed.There’s nothing that I want more than to be loved by a man. A forehead kiss, his lips on my thighs, long nights talking, staring into his eyes. But at what price? Multiple: Meaningless, Monotonous. Mundane encounters?

I don’t want to love another woman’s man, or a man who can’t see my worth without me opening my legs. I’m a dope ass woman, and I want to be seen as such. I have too much to offer to to continue to live beneath my own standards. I want him to fall in love with my deep brown skin, my genuine grin and the depth of myself, which is my intellect. Deep conversations, a connection built on expression and never feeling less than. It’s moments when I can inhale…hold and release that will provide the relief of my long days. And hope he will hold me, comfort me and reassure me everything will be ok. I want a man that’s mine, who will put in the time it takes to love the broken me. So I can be the woman that our daughter hopes to grow to be. And our kids can see that a love like mommy and daddy’s is hard to beat. I just want to be real life goals, not for the gram , but eternity 💛

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