& Just like that 💫

And just like that…. I gave up on the emotionally unavailable. I gave up on those men that left me yearning more. The ones I considered a mystery. The ones I felt the constant need to fix. Those that could never love me on a level that I needed to be loved. Those that put me in positions to question if what I felt was morally right.

I had to question my level of insecurities. What was it about someone that kept me broken, with no ability to heal me, consistently held me there? How would I finally find my peace of mind. What prevented me from officially walking away and blocking them to gain my power back?

When we remember the good times it makes it that much more difficult to see something for what it really is. For who they truly are. How did I not see the selfishness. “I don’t want you, but no one else can either”.. The fuck? Tunnel vision, is similar to a black hole. It only goes one direction and it’s easy to get lost. We decide what we allow, and I’m tired. To block you, only hurts me. I’ll never see your name, hear your ringtone or hear the influx of your baritone. But my sanity is what I want more. The memories, just set me free.

Telling myself, I deserve more. I’ve earned more. Beloved, be loved & to be loved are your new goals. Have an outward outlook on what it took to get you to this space. Having Patience & not be a patient to the ill confused thoughts of your mind! Be kind to yourself! Don’t be blind or deny your journey. You’re worthy and worth it. Don’t forget it 💛


Internal Conflict

I want to believe my mother and father will live forever, but of course that would be living in a dream. The love they’ve provided me, requires me to raise my guard and protect the better parts of me. How can I let them leave knowing I’m being devalued? Wait, I mean.. devaluing myself, by entertaining somebody that can care less if I’m stressed but quick to ask me why I’m always so pressed.There’s nothing that I want more than to be loved by a man. A forehead kiss, his lips on my thighs, long nights talking, staring into his eyes. But at what price? Multiple: Meaningless, Monotonous. Mundane encounters?

I don’t want to love another woman’s man, or a man who can’t see my worth without me opening my legs. I’m a dope ass woman, and I want to be seen as such. I have too much to offer to to continue to live beneath my own standards. I want him to fall in love with my deep brown skin, my genuine grin and the depth of myself, which is my intellect. Deep conversations, a connection built on expression and never feeling less than. It’s moments when I can inhale…hold and release that will provide the relief of my long days. And hope he will hold me, comfort me and reassure me everything will be ok. I want a man that’s mine, who will put in the time it takes to love the broken me. So I can be the woman that our daughter hopes to grow to be. And our kids can see that a love like mommy and daddy’s is hard to beat. I just want to be real life goals, not for the gram , but eternity 💛


When we first meet someone we are instantly attracted to something physical and if not physical, it’s their personality. We tend to boast about their looks, their career, their body, their smile, and their lifestyle. Many of us take all of these things and imagine a life with them. Time goes on, we meet their family, learn about their past relationships, meet a couple of their close friends and assume we all have it figured out.

Let’s be honest, we are missing by far the HARDEST, yet most important step that almost everyone tends to skip and that’s talking about: Life Trauma. Whether it occurs during childhood or adult life, trauma can be considered:

  • Physical abuse
  • Mental abuse
  • Molestation
  • Rape
  • Bullying
  • Car Accidents
  • Death
  • Mental Illness
  • Separation/Divorce
  • Stress
  • War
  • Poverty
  • Anything that had a life altering effect.

I think we tend to skip this conversation because it’s such a difficult conversation to have. I mean, who really wants to relive a time in their lives that made them feel helpless, hopeless, pain, hurt, or even hate. People can carry this pain with them their entire lives and never talk about it. There have been so many relationships ruined by trauma that the significant other had no idea about. We as people want to appear strong, when we know for a fact that our flesh is weak.

We tend to try to bury our demons deep within us with hope that it never comes out. But let’s be honest, these issues will come to haunt us at some point so why not get ahead of it? In the black community, counseling has always been a form of taboo. No one in most black families like to talk about things that hurt them. This does nothing but create generational issues as we have all seen so many times.

To any man that may be reading this:: Get help king. It does not make you weak to talk to someone about your issues. It does not make you any less of a man. You deserve to heal and you deserve to be free from whatever pain you are harboring.

(Steps anyone can take to start the healing process)

  1. Let me just say that if you haven’t already attempted to seek help, please do. Most companies have programs in place for their employees to seek different mental health treatment options. If you are unsure, contact your HR department and ask about either: Compsych or EAP.
  2. Seeking a counselor/therapist is NOT a weakness, it is actually the strongest thing anyone can do. To be able to acknowledge that we are all not perfect, and that we are ALL dealing with something is very important.
  3. Surround yourself with people that will support you and not down you. Having a support system is probably one of the most important steps in this entire process because they will be the ones to see your progress.

When should this information be shared with your significant other?

  1. Find time for yourself to process everything that was traumatic in your life. Until you are able to confront these traumas yourself, you will never be able to express them to someone else.
  2. Now of course this isn’t a first date conversation, but there’s always a turning point in a relationship when you feel things are getting much more serious.
  3. Make sure it is someone that you can trust and it’s not something that should be shared in EVERY relationship, unless of course you consider all of the relationships serious.

What to do if you’re the person receiving this information?

  1. Have an open mind and don’t judge what they are saying.
  2. Console them and let them know that you are there for them. Remember it’s already a difficult conversation, don’t make them feel any worse than they already do.
  3. Recommend them to seek professional help if they are afraid of the judgement they may receive.

I have been seeing a counselor and it’s one of the best things I could have ever done. I am able to talk about the things that I may never have wanted to reveal to anyone else. It’s pushed me to express myself not only vocally but with my words in this blog. Counseling does not make you crazy, not seeking help can make you crazy.

:Ask yourself:

Does my significant other really know me?

Is there more that I am not telling?

Will I feel a weight lifted off of me if I am able to speak about this?

:Answer this in the comment section below:

Have you and your partner had these difficult conversations? If so, How did it go? If not, why haven’t you discussed these traumas?

ˌinfəˈdelədē – Infidelity

“I know you been so through with me
You put up with my foolery
I guess you got so use to me
And my infidelity

And through the bad you saw the better man in me
You picked me up every time they put me down”

-Trey Songz

Me 4 U by Trey Songz literally describes what I dealt with. You give a pass once and it’s almost like you’ve accepted it honestly.

The ultimate demise of our marriage was purely infidelity. When I say I could’ve withstood almost anything……, consistent cheating, just wasn’t one of them. Listen.. We were young, I think I was 21 and he was 23 when we started dating. I was 24 and he was 26 when we got married and we both had a lot of growing up to do. We both had an infidelity issue in 2014 that we agreed to forward from, so I thought. He loved the attention he received from other women, and here I am cheating to get back at him. We both had a talk that other people weren’t what we wanted and we wanted to make the shit work. A year later, here comes a ring..thinking we were completely past the B.S we had dealt with the year prior. 2016 comes and we have a beautiful wedding.. LEGIT everything I dreamed of. I dropped out of college in 2013 and went back in 2016. Purely because I just didn’t want to go school anymore. Once we got married I knew I wanted a better life for the both of us.

I enrolled in school, went to school in the AM and worked in the PM. Most days not getting home until almost 11:30 P.M. Throughout this entire process I knew that my husband was home, and cheering me on, so I thought. We face timed multiple times per day, we talked on the phone and he would come to my job to spend time with me. Knowing that he was bored, lonely, and me feeling guilty for neglecting him, I would try to find different ways to make up for it. I would buy random gifts, cook, take us on trips, come up with new bedroom ideas, just ANYTHING to keep him happy until I could finish school.

Around November of 2016 I quit my job so that I was able to focus on school since my grades started to slack. Idk if I truly didn’t pay him attention because I was working so much but now that I had free time, I began to notice little shit. His phone went wherever he went, if he did leave it, it was always faced down. He became very short with me, not too much conversation, always playing the game, constantly “going out with co workers” and catching random attitudes. One day I said…Hmmm let me just ask him for his phone. I didn’t go through his phone and he knew that, so me asking for it was a complete shock to him. He handed it to me, I unlocked it and he snatched it back. From that moment I knew.. Our marriage would never be the same.

Ladies and gentlemen…. why do we stay after there has been infidelity? Is a relationship truly salvageable after infidelity has taken place? Can you fully trust again?