I just want to feel something..

Sometimes you just want to feel something.. Oftentimes it doesn’t matter what that something is, just as long as it makes you feel good.

It can be as small as posting an IG picture to get some likes from people that pretend to really rock with you. Or the quick smile you do after checking your phone to see that your favorite toxic person has reached out to you after days of no correspondence. Oh.. and let’s not forget all of the ppl reacting to that slight way funny tweet you made that happened to get you a couple of likes and retweets.. But most importantly the sex that feels great in the moment because of the infamous soul ties.

The most fucked up part of being human and wanting to “feel” something, is the crash and the wanting of more. How many times have you said,“This is the last time?” The last time I post on IG, the last time I text them, the last time I tweet, THE LAST TIME I HAVE SEX WITH THEM?

Question:: How many times will you say it’s the last time, before it’s truly the last time?

We really have to reflect & ask if it’s worth it? Is the crash that I feel, worth the temporary high that I just received? Let’s be honest… we always want more because we always want to “Feel.” This is where I question values… What is it that I value in my life? Is it that instant gratification of likes on IG from hundreds of ppl I don’t know? Or is it spending time with people in real life that really fuck with me? You guessed it.. I like real ppl that really know me.

Recently, I took a break from IG. Removed most of my photos, didn’t post on my story and didn’t like anyone’s posts… & literally only about 10 ppl reached out. Ya girl has over 2,000 followers which really aint shit lol but 10 out of 2,000.. that’s literally .5% 😂😂 #Comedy.

I say ALLLAT.. to say this.. Life is short.. ppl are real life weird and don’t truly care about you. They’re nosey and selfish and want to make sure you are at arms reach at all times. Stop wanting to “just feel” something. If you want to feel something, let it be something that fuels you, pours into you and leaves you full. We’re too easily satisfied which causes us to yearn for more. “Don’t allow minuscule moments, to overshadow vital needs”. 💛

& Just like that 💫

And just like that…. I gave up on the emotionally unavailable. I gave up on those men that left me yearning more. The ones I considered a mystery. The ones I felt the constant need to fix. Those that could never love me on a level that I needed to be loved. Those that put me in positions to question if what I felt was morally right.

I had to question my level of insecurities. What was it about someone that kept me broken, with no ability to heal me, consistently held me there? How would I finally find my peace of mind. What prevented me from officially walking away and blocking them to gain my power back?

When we remember the good times it makes it that much more difficult to see something for what it really is. For who they truly are. How did I not see the selfishness. “I don’t want you, but no one else can either”.. The fuck? Tunnel vision, is similar to a black hole. It only goes one direction and it’s easy to get lost. We decide what we allow, and I’m tired. To block you, only hurts me. I’ll never see your name, hear your ringtone or hear the influx of your baritone. But my sanity is what I want more. The memories, just set me free.

Telling myself, I deserve more. I’ve earned more. Beloved, be loved & to be loved are your new goals. Have an outward outlook on what it took to get you to this space. Having Patience & not be a patient to the ill confused thoughts of your mind! Be kind to yourself! Don’t be blind or deny your journey. You’re worthy and worth it. Don’t forget it 💛


Come through…..

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog, and I must admit, this corona virus quarantine has me doing nothing but scrolling, watching tv, and eating lol. My cousin KeKe sent me this meme that us women are all too familiar with and I found it extremely funny.

Ladiesss…….! We have all been there at some point in our lives, when a guy sent us the come through text and we were willing to get there by any means necessary. Whether you drive yourself, catch a bus, train, plane, bike, kite, ya home girl or hell even one of your dudes might have dropped you off unknowingly. I’ve driven through damn near tsunamis and pretending like it wasn’t the end of the world outside. My cousin Tiara one night literally was like “Bih…you do know it’s storming outside right”? I’m just like “God got me”. I literally couldn’t see shit on that highway, but I was determined and couldn’t look back! I was slipping and sliding the whole way.

I have literally been dead asleep, and the dude calls and like “You up”? I’m like yeah I’m up, knowing gahdamn well I have on a whole ass bonnett, an over large shirt and slob on my pillow. But LOOK! I’m up now, hitting that bathroom to brush my teeth and a shower/hoe bath depending on how soon I need to be there.

Depending on how much I like a guy would typically determine how dumb I would decide to be.. YIKES lol If it’s like “I’m feeling ya conversation, but I’m not sleeping with you”, you get me leaving out the crib at 10P.M. at the latest, but if I’m sleep we have to reschedule. Now if I mess with you heavy HEAVY, talk to all of my girls about you, (bad & good), imagine a pretend future with you and you’ve put it down on me before. BAY BAY!!, SIS pulling up at SCARY hours haha!

A moment of transparency, & IDGAF who judges meee… Niggas & women alike have done the scary hours pull up so “WHO GONE CHECK ME” haha!

Anywho…I had been messing with this dude on and off for a while. He had been out of town so I was missing him like crazy, although I wasn’t going to tell him that. He went to the club and asked me if I was going out & I’m like nah, I’m going to chill at the crib & relax. Whole time I’m like D A M N, I should’ve taken my ass out so I could’ve run into him. So I end up falling asleep, like catching big ZzZ’S. Mind ya’ll, before I fell asleep I cut my ringer on HA! At 2am, I get a text like “You up?” I’m like yup, while responding with one eye open staring at a bright ass screen in pitch black darkness. He like, “Meet me at my crib, and I’ll be there once I leave the strip club” Ya’ll the club closed at 5am… F I V E AM! Those are crackhead hours lmao.. So I get up at 3am, go to his crib through the back door get in the bed and fall back to sleep. This man walked in at 6am BWAHAHAHAHA!

Let’s just say, a nigga I don’t like, like that.. COULD NEVA! I’d be like, boy if you don’t get ya goofy ass outta here, thinking I’m getting out of my bed at 3am, you done lost your mind. I low-key would probably block him…not even going to lie.

I have been out with my girls and gotten that “come through” text & hit them with the quick deuces. & Don’t let your girls find out you’re leaving them for a nigga.. you will never hear the end of it.. OH OH but wait… DEFINITELY don’t let it be a nigga you’ve claimed to be done with or they think you need be done with. They damn near won’t talk to you for days.

Now this isn’t solely for women because I know PLENTY men willing to pull up during scary hours for a chick. So guys, don’t EVEN think about judging us haha!

Welp…. That’s all ya’ll… Just think about me the next time ya’ll are about to pull up during scary hours. Know that it’s OK LMAOOO! We are all dumb at some point. Just don’t respond too quickly, don’t seem too excited, hit those three points of contact with soap, water and lil perfume, show up and show out! 🙂

Babyyyy boy! What are we doing?!

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There’s nothing worse than being in the midst of a situation and you’re like “wtf are we doing?” Now most women want to know the answer to this question but men have made it undeniably hard to ask the question. It’s damn near cringy to think about 😂. I remember one time asking a dude what we’re doing and feeling regret immediately after. I kept looking at my phone thinking damn, all this technology and Apple hasn’t made a damn “unsend” button huh? Like girl y’all grown AF, if shorty don’t respond 🗣Sis, Block Him! 💀 But forreal.. just let that situation go.

But listen…. after being married and recently entertaining niggas in this awkward ass time of dating in 2019, I’ve since released that fear and I’ve learned to get straight to the point. Either you’re going to tell me what’s up or we’re just going to move forward amicably.

Most times, women don’t want to hear “We’re together”. More than likely we’ve already assessed the situation and know if shit is serious or not. I want the real… like look right now I’m not looking for a relationship. I enjoy you, your company, the time we spend etc… Then it’s like BET! Now you’re giving me something to work with. The conversation really helps the woman know how to move in the future. Oh we’re not exclusive right? Soo me going out with Darnell won’t have me feeling like I’m doing some slick shit.

Men want to make it out to be “Damn she trying to box me into some shit.”

Nah nah sir… we just have to make sure we’re both moving the same way. Cause I’ll be damned if I’m loyal to you and you out here just spreading your royal oats everywhere 💅🏾.But as soon as he finds out you’re entertaining someone else, you’re the worst person ever! How does that work sir?

Personally, I ask dudes this question all the time and I either get a real response, generic ass response, or no response at all lol 😂 Generic and no response at all is like ok, so we being childish?! I wasted 5 years of my life with a nigga I don’t even speak to anymore, I have 0 time to be wasting on people that won’t even express what they want. I am a woman of clarity and communication because it’s impossible to get anything misconstrued when you can be open and honest about the shit that’s going on.

Ladies… just ask the gahdaaaamn question!!! lol Either he’s gonna answer that shit or he’s not.. but either way, you’ll know how to move after. Shit really not supposed to be difficult 💛

I’m all about protecting peace X energy.. If it doesn’t bring me peace or drains my energy…I can’t 🤷🏽‍♀️